Longer Together Than Apart
Layne and Paul's Wedding Day - April 20, 1980
We celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary a week ago Sunday, on April 20. We were married at the Walker Estate on Oahu on what turned out to be a beautiful day. It had rained earlier and we feared it might not stop or the ground might not dry in time. But, everything turned out perfectly.
Our photographer spied us when we slipped away from the festivities to have a moment alone to connect and breathe in what we had just done, promise to be there for each other from here on out. Our purpose has always been to bring out the best in each other. We have also attempted to live by a definition of love we learned from Stewart Emery. Stewart was the first trainer for EST after Werner Erhard and the founder of Actualizations, a training in the Bay Area in the '70's. Steward was Layne's trainer in EST in 1972 and we were both in his Actualizations Training.
Anyway, Stewart defined true love as a love that is more intent on the object of your love realizing their full potential, regardless of the consequences to you, the lover. I'm paraphrasing here, but that is the essence of his thought.
We both forgot our anniversary was coming until our dear friends called and asked us what we were going to do! Since that was the weekend we were scheduled to have the tree people come plant large trees in our yard, we decided what we were doing was giving each other a forest for our anniversary!
We now have a new 12 foot Ponderosa Pine in our south yard, making three - and a few new pinons, as well. And we realized a few days afterward, as we were enjoying the new foliage, we have now been together longer than we have been apart. That is both a sobering and a comforting thought.
11 Comments
Rhoda :
I was deeply touched by your sharing your wedding picture, and story behind it, and the celebration of your 28th wedding anniveersary with planting trees. What a fabulous symbol of your love and becoming over the years: trees grow, trees change, trees go through seasons and transformations, trees are alive and always becoming. It touched a deep cord in my soul, and reminded me of the day I married my own soul mate, and the wonder and process of my own growth over the past 25 years since then. Thank you for sharing From Your Hearts. Thank you for living your process as an example to the world. I love and admire you and learn from you so much. Rhoda
Margot :
I, too, was feeling a little sentimental lump in my throat as I read about your wedding and anniversary. How beautiful! Of all the love and romance coaches out there, the Universe has lead me to you both and I am learning so much from all of your material. I can only hope and dream that my current relationship will stand the test of time as yours has. With everything you are teaching me, I'm sure I'll have what it takes. My boyfriend has recognized me as a soulmate he has loved over many lifetimes, so I believe one day we will also be longer together than apart. And I was planning to plant a tree at our wedding- what a noble symbol of love!
Blessed Be.
Paul :
Thank you, Rhoda, for your kind comments. When we read/hear things like what you have shared about how our work has touched you, it causes our hearts to glow with the feeling that comes from knowing we are living our purpose. And receiving the kind of feedback you have just shared makes all the difference in the world.
Sheryl :
Thank you for sharing your story. Your email came as I was writing my latest book, an autobiographical love story. I was writing about love as an act of service to another when your email arrived. I take your email as confirmation that I'm supposed to be writing this book now. My former partner and I are not together. I've set an intention for my right partner to be brought to me, whomever that might be, and if he is my right partner, then I trust that our paths will unite once more. In the meantime, I've learned a tremendous amount about the meaning of true love from the experiences I've had. It's a hard story for me to write, but I know I'm supposed to do it. The work you do and the work I do is of great service, even if it's not always easy for us to do.
Thank you for helping me stay on path.
Much love and many blessings on your anniversary and always.
Paul :
How synchronous that you are planning on planting a tree on your wedding day! I share the same sentiment that tress can be a noble symbol of love. Layne and I are glad to know that you are receiving value from our work. We congratulate you on having the vision and determination to use and practice what you are learning. Thanks for your loving thoughts today.
Mari Smith :
…always touches my heart to see and read about your beautiful journey of romance together!!!
StillHoping :
It's hard to see pictures of loving couples. The two of you have loved each other, thoroughly, and beautifully…from the outset. Others are in incredibly painful marriages, where, as the recipient of the Paul and Layne emails, as the marriage partner "willing to work," "willing to do," and "willing to change," one, while happy for Paul and Layne, feels softly disheartened due to the necessity of not just being, but also having a "willing partner" to make progress in improving a marriage.
Paul :
I understand, StillHoping. I was in a very painful marriage before I met Layne. I had pretty much given up on ever having a lasting, successful relationship. Then, I began to seriously work on my consciousness and everything changed. A relationship is a system in which when one part of the system changes, the whole system changes. It is just not always predictable which way the relationship system will change. I invite you to see our picture, and other pictures of loving couples, as very real possibilities for you if you will open your heart and mind to the possibility, regardless of present circumstances.
Paul :
Thanks, Mari! You and Ty are also a great inspiration.
Jane :
What a wonderful surprise to find that I share my birthday with your anniversary. Now every year I will have another very special event to celebrate. You are the most amazing couple. In fact as I sit here and reflect on everything that I have been learning in the past year from you, what I think would be appropriate from now on is to not celebrate my birth but the rebirths and the huge increases in both peace and joy that I am finding. And then I will raise a glass to you and your generous hearts. Blessings on you and continued happiness together long into the future.
Paul :
Well, happy birthday, Jane! Thank you for your wonderful, loving comments. We are so glad that our paths have crossed and that you have found our work so valuable.