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Longer Together Than Apart

Paul and Layne's Wedding Day
Layne and Paul's Wedding Day - April 20, 1980

We celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary a week ago Sunday, on April 20. We were married at the Walker Estate on Oahu on what turned out to be a beautiful day. It had rained earlier and we feared it might not stop or the ground might not dry in time. But, everything turned out perfectly.

Our photographer spied us when we slipped away from the festivities to have a moment alone to connect and breathe in what we had just done, promise to be there for each other from here on out. Our purpose has always been to bring out the best in each other. We have also attempted to live by a definition of love we learned from Stewart Emery. Stewart was the first trainer for EST after Werner Erhard and the founder of Actualizations, a training in the Bay Area in the '70's. Steward was Layne's trainer in EST in 1972 and we were both in his Actualizations Training.

Anyway, Stewart defined true love as a love that is more intent on the object of your love realizing their full potential, regardless of the consequences to you, the lover. I'm paraphrasing here, but that is the essence of his thought.

We both forgot our anniversary was coming until our dear friends called and asked us what we were going to do! Since that was the weekend we were scheduled to have the tree people come plant large trees in our yard, we decided what we were doing was giving each other a forest for our anniversary!

We now have a new 12 foot Ponderosa Pine in our south yard, making three - and a few new pinons, as well. And we realized a few days afterward, as we were enjoying the new foliage, we have now been together longer than we have been apart. That is both a sobering and a comforting thought.

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The Mystery of the Boulders


Photo (c) Paul Grant Cutright

In my post last week I indicated, somewhat mysteriously, that we were leaving to drive to Scottsdale to present at an exclusive private retreat, but we couldn't tell you anything about it.

Well, we still can't say anything about it!! We would love to tell you — but, we're sworn to absolute secrecy, still.

What not many people know about us is that we serve, often behind the scenes, with celebrity figures who prefer to keep their identities and their affairs private. This happens to be a similar instance.

What we can let you know is that we were among a stellar group of people whom it was our privilege to coach for a day. We facilitated Heart to Heart Talks (which we teach in our new teletraining series Straight From the Heart).

We were once again thrilled at the miracle power of speaking the truth, straight from the heart. To initiate people into this transformative practice is one of the most rewarding parts of our life. To witness this simple, powerful tool healing hearts and opening minds is inspiring beyond words.

We were with these people in a beautiful Arizona desert setting called The Boulders. The Boulders is an exclusive residential resort that also features the Golden Door Spa which we enjoyed immensely! It was a magical trip for us in which we felt nourished by natural splendors and the beauty of the human spirit.

We are passionate about the commitment we live in to help transform the way the world relates — and sometimes we work too much! This was one of those instances in which we both worked hard and felt energized and uplifted by the entire experience. Our work is challenging and even after 32 years, we still love it with our whole hearts.

The picture above was taken at The Boulders.

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Summer Sunset Clouds

Summer Sunset Clouds

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




Photo (c) Paul Grant Cutright

The summer skies in Santa Fe are amazingly beautiful. After this long, cold winter we're looking forward to warmer weather and seeing these magical skies again.

We're leaving tomorrow to drive down to Scottsdale where we will be presenting all day Friday at an exclusive retreat, about which we are sworn to secrecy! We'll tell you all about it when we get back next week . . .

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The Five Stages of Relationships Video

The video below is taken from a presentation we gave that included this piece on the Five Stages of Relationships. Many people have told us that learning these distinctions has been a transformational revelation for them and their relationships.

We hope you enjoy it. Let us know what you think . . .

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What Goes On In Your Brain?

This talk by brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor is amazing, inspiring and enlightening. If you haven't seen this yet, it's well worth the 20 minutes to watch. She describes in the most passionate, beautiful and poetic terms the process of observing herself have a stroke from which it took her eight years to recover.

Also, this is from a site called TED which is filled with videos of presentations given by thought leaders from many different fields. And it's all free! This is a site well worth bookmarking and visiting frequently.

Enjoy and let us know what you think . . .

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Pink Me - Photo of the Week

Pink Orchid
Photo (c) Paul Grant Cutright

This was shot at an orchid farm in Carlsbad, CA. The beauty of this place and the variety of orchids there is astounding. How can one look upon such exotic beauty and not be in awe of the profound mystery of creation?

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Are Your Relationships Designed for Trust?

People yearn for relationships they can trust. They want to be able to depend on people. At the deepest level, they want relationships characterized by ease, clarity and harmonious cooperation.


The hallmark of an enlightened partnership is intentional design. Great relationships don't just happen, mediocre ones do. If you are like most people, you yearn for relationships you can trust. You want to be able to depend on people. You want relationships characterized by ease, clarity and harmonious cooperation. The good news is it is easier than you think. With a little bit of education and skill you can design relationships that foster trust through clarity and agreement.

Clarifying the purpose of your relationship and crafting agreements is a foundational part of the design process for generating trust. The conversations you will have will illuminate what is truly important to each person. This knowledge is essential in creating relationships that work well over the long term.


If you create agreements that reflect the authentic motivation of each person and you plan for predictable breakdowns in a way that fosters accountability you can relax into a new certainty and trust in your most important relationships.

What Is an Agreement?

What is an agreement really? An agreement is a method for coordinating action between two or more people. It is supposed to smooth the way for efficient harmonious interaction. But why do people so often not live up to their word? Usually an agreement fails because it does not reflect the true desire and motivation of all the people making the agreement. People who agree to something because they are afraid of what will happen if they don't agree, will more than likely not follow through, unless they are pressured to do so.

It's important to know that agreements alone will not secure the safety and dependability we all yearn for. For an agreement to be effective the internal motivator that drives it should be so compelling that the people involved are aroused to fulfill their part of their own volition. In other words, an agreement you can count on has to come from the right place.

Why Am I Agreeing to This?

That means that each person must answer the question, "For the sake of what am I agreeing to this?" This reason needs to be explicit. You can't assume the same thing motivates everyone. You have to question, discuss and clarify. Successful agreements are always driven by a clear purpose that inspires action. There are two very important things that need to be part of a process for creating agreements that will work, a clear and inspiring purpose for your agreements and a process for restoring trust when an agreement has been broken.

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Inner Sanctum - Photo of the Week


Photo (c) Paul Grant Cutright

This image was taken in Bethlehem in the church built over the reputed place of Jesus' birth.

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When the Portal Opens - Photo of the Week


Photo (c) Paul Grant Cutright

For just a few days of the year when the sun sets it shines through our leaded glass bay window casting this lovely image on the adobe wall.

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Do You Know the Five C's of Co-Creation?

The evolutionary edge for humanity is sharing power. As a species we are gradually moving from using our power in self-centered adversarial ways to sharing our collective power for the mutual benefit of everyone concerned. We are shifting form a paradigm characterized by me or them to me and them paradigm. We are just beginning to tap into the power of co-creation.

It’s going to take more than good intentions for us to pull this one off. We are all going to have to learn to think differently, make new distinctions and include new practices in our business-as-usual routines.

We offer you the 5 C’s of co-creation to help you create a map for your exploration of this new and uncharted territory.

The 5 C’s are commitment, communication, cooperation, collaboration and coordination. If you are intending to create a future with one or more people it's a good idea to deep the 5 C’s in mind and to check in with one another periodically to see if you are taking them into consideration as you progress.

COMMITMENT - Setting your intention. What are we all committed to? Can we all state it succinctly? Does the commitment generate enthusiasm? Does it live in our everyday conversations with one another in some way? Are there any obstacles to honoring the commitment to our fullest ability? How are we dealing with those obstacles? Are we all committed to doing what is in our power to do, to have the co-creative endeavor succeed for everyone concerned?

COMMUNICATION - Creating the environment. As human beings our relationships live in language. What we talk about and how we talk about it determines the emotional climate of our relationships. Is our communication style fostering safety and creativity? Are we communicating readily, honestly, and openly? Are there things we are afraid to discuss that need to be discussed? Are there unspoken emotional undercurrents distracting our attention? Are there any recurrent communication breakdowns and is there a strategy in place so they can be avoided in the future? Does our communication include acknowledgment and gratitude? Are people making requests in order to take care of their own needs and wants? Are we giving effective feedback so we can improve as we go? Are we communicating our unified purpose to others in inspiring and enthusiastic ways?

COOPERATION - The necessary attitude. Are we cooperating? Is our cooperation motivated by an inner passion or is it being forced by fear and the need to go with the flow of others intentions? Are we able to find a common path through adversity or is it every man for him self when the going gets tough? Are there any competing egos vying for the spotlight at the expense of others? Are we clear on the benefits of cooperation in this creative endeavor? What is at risk if we don’t cooperate?

COLLLABORATION - Synergizing ideas. Is there an attitude that everyone’s ideas are vital to the whole? Are we able to express our ideas freely without fear of judgment or ridicule? As a group, are we asking BIG questions that bring forth the talent of everyone involved and excite our creative impulses? Are we able to engage in possibility thinking, not limited by the past or what has been? Are we skillful in bringing out the best in each other? Is the system in which we are working set up to receive the avalanche of creativity
we can generate?

COORDINATION - Synchronizing action. What’s the plan? How are we coordinating our actions in effective and harmonious ways? Do we all have an overview of how all the different parts are working together? Are we clear on individual areas of responsibility and accountability? What are the consequences, if any, for failure to perform? How does time play into to it? Do we have established lines of communication? How often do we need to reevaluate the plan? How often and in what form (phone, meetings, e-mail) do we need to communicate in order to coordinate effectively?

We all play a vital part in the emerging paradigm of co-creation. Discovering our unique contribution is part of the adventure. We hope that using the 5 C’s will help you better play your part in fulfilling the promise of humanity's evolutionary potential.

We have found it very helpful to use written agreements that clarify the foundation of the co-creative relationship. These are the ones we like to use and we offer them for your consideration.

Co-Creator Agreements

1. I agree to bring my passion and talent to our collective endeavor.

2. I agree to speak the truth with compassion.

3. I agree to listen deeply and respectfully to others.

4. I agree to be responsible for my own needs, wants and sense of being valued.

5. I agree to acknowledge others generously.

6. I will readily use our predetermined protocol for resolving upsets in a way that fosters  personal responsibility and collective harmony.

7. I agree to use mistakes constructively and practice forgiveness when called for.

8. I will strive to maintain trust and affinity and restore them if they are damaged.

9. I agree to turn my complaints into requests and communicate constructively to the person who can do something about it.

10. I will refrain from negative gossip.

11. I agree to manage my agreements with others in responsible and courteous ways.

12. I agree to encourage and be encouraged in bringing out our individual genius.

13. I agree to nurture a soulful connection with my fellow co-creators.

What do you think about these agreements? Do they seem realistic to you? What do you think would happen if you recommended using these to your family, work group or any other group of people with whom you spend any amount of time?  How could you implement these agreements in your relationships? Who would you have to be to bring up the subject?

Let us know what you think . . .


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